Same Team

We're not as alone as we might think

When my husband, Jonathan, and I are driving and we end up at an intersection with another car whose desired action doesn't interfere with ours — say we're facing each other but both turning right — he says enthusiastically, "Same Team!"

The sense of alignment I get in these silly moments often feels out of reach in a world, and specifically in a country that seems to be in constant disagreement. It's easier to feel alone. There are so many shared values that are apparently up for debate. It turns out beliefs in due process, kindness, free and independent media, equality, and democracy are not ideas we all share. I find myself wondering who in this country believes in the same things that I thought we all used to believe in, or at least tried to believe in.*

It's nice to be reminded that many, if not most of us, are still on the same team, and sometimes, if I’m paying attention, experiences and encounters help me remember that I'm not alone.

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I often run, pushing my toddler in a jogging stroller. Almost every time I'm out, I come across another parent running with a kid, also in a stroller. I always try to catch their eye and wave. Same Team, I whisper to myself. I see these other runners as kindred spirits who are working to both take care of themselves and provide care for others.

The U.S. is an outlier among Western countries in its lack of affordable and accessible care and support for families. Other high-income countries contribute an average of $14,000 per year for toddlers' care, compared with $500 in the U.S. Currently, the administration is dismantling the Department of Education and attempting to cut supports for public schools, reducing the already limited supports that American families receive.

When I see others out in the world making time for their health while also supporting a child, I see an ally — someone who likely understands the value of childcare and knows how difficult it is to access. They are a member of a care team, and probably agree that more support for families is a good thing. They know the expense of time and money childcare takes, and when they smile and wave back, they know that I do too.

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I attended journalism school and work part-time as a freelance reporter. I believe that free and fair media and the ability to hold powerful people and organizations accountable are vital for a democracy. When I'm working from a coffee shop and look over someone's shoulder to see them reading a local paper or spot someone walking around with an NPR tote bag, I think to myself, Same Team.

One third of the counties in the U.S. don't have the equivalent of even one full-time journalist. The Republican-led Congress just took away public funding for NPR and PBS. Independent media, a diversity of thought, and adherence to shared ethics and facts are at risk.

These sightings provide me solace — there are others like me — people who value truth and fairness. If there are enough of us, maybe all is not lost.

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While sitting and working at my local library's cafe last week, I watched as a guy came in carrying several bags of what seemed to be his personal belongings. He stopped to get a coffee at the cafe counter and then sat down at my table. Striking up a conversation, he asked me, "What do you do?" I told him about the research project I was working on and returned the question, "I'm having trouble with employment right now," he answered. Same Team.

So many of us are on his team, either out of work, underemployed, or in a job that sucks. We didn't need the dire jobs report to know how bad the job market is, and no matter how the executive branch decides to propagandize economic data, we will still know. You can't gaslight workers into believing that the economy is strong. Layoffs and downsizing are the norm, good jobs are impossible to find, and there is a growing base of workers who are fed up. We're on the same team, and that team will rise and fight for our rights.

There are more of us on the Same Team than we think. As Maria Popova said so beautifully in her recent musings on the courage of tenderness, "There is no greater remedy for helplessness than helping someone else." It's easy to feel helpless and alone right now, but by attuning to those who are on our team, we might find that we are unified. And, by helping one another, we have the chance to help the whole team.

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*The U.S. government has never represented all peoples in the United States, and much of the story of the country is a set of myths. I don’t want to perpetuate the myth of a perfectly harmonized and humane country. Yet, there have been points in our history and in the making of America where values that support a productive democracy were shared in ways that are being dismantled today, and that feels important.